You can now access AdviceBit.com on your smart phone without pinching or zooming. Hooray!
My mom doesn't agree with me dating someone out of my race
-
I've been dating a wonderful guy for 8 months, and I'm so in love with him and I know he's in love with me. It's been the best 8 months of my life. The only problem is my mom doesn't want me dating him because he's black. She and my whole family disagree with anyone in the family dating someone that's not their own specific race. I am honestly not like that and I don't see like they see. I personally think it's racist to say something like that and it's wrong. My mom has taken my phone and grounded me and won't let me get my license anymore, until she can trust me again. She read all my messages on facebook, and all my texts from him. She found out that I have had sex with him after that she really started to freak out. But I did it because I'm happy with him and I love him. She doesn't like him at all and she hasn't even givin him the chance for him to explain his feelings about me. He is my best friends brother and every weekend I have been going over there to spend time with both of them. Now my mom won't let me anywhere near their house anymore. His mom disagrees with the way my mom thinks about this situation, and she wants to say something to her but she knows that if she said anything to my mom then I would just get into more trouble. I can barely talk to him right now the only way of communicating with him is over the computer after my mom goes to bed. I had to keep it a secret for so long because I know if I told her that this would of just happend. I wish I could take it all back and not of told her anything. I want her to see how happy I am and how much I love him. She doesn't want to listen and just wants me to move on and find someone that will treat me great and that is white, but that's not what I want. I'm 16 years old I'm young and I'm so happy with my boyfriend I've never felt better. But my mom doesn't listen to me and just wants to take everything away from me. I just want to be with him and nobody else.
-
my parents are the same way . i once hada crush on a guy tht was black , and my dad flipped out on me . . but personaly i agree with my parents . i dont think its racist at all .. i has to do with tradition . try to see your moms point of view . because i dont thinkyou have given her a chance to explain herself . in my family every person has married a mexican , and i have never even dated out of my race . think of it as a long term thing .. . . but he ^^ is right .. if u choose him then u may loose your family... but also sit her down and try to talk to her and show her how u feel abt him , get them all together his mom and sister and ur mom and him , and have a sit down talk and talk it through
-
with all the stuff you and he have been doing, whatever his race, your mom has a right to try to end it. is him being black the core issue, are you projecting that on your mom now to justify a relationship she otherwise may legitimately object. if your mom let you go to a black friends house every weekend not likely she is a racist, but if went over there to have sex with the friends brother, she has a right to be pissed. stop ignoring your bad behavior and accept responsibility, maybe in a couple of years if you date a black man you will find your mom is ok with it.
-
You have said before that your mother is familiar with this boy and his family (you've been spending time with them), but she still has reservations about you two dating, since he isn't white. A shame. Have you ever stopped your mother to ask her exactly what she thought she may be protecting you from or what she thinks about this young man? Have the two of you sat down and talked with your mother, or has there been much sneaking around? This can add to the feeling of distrust she may have for this boy, regardless of his color. I suggest you attempting to get your mother to simply talk to the both of you. If she already knows him, this shouldn't be such a stretch. I am a black woman, and I know the media and society at large is rife with silly stereotypes, contradictions, half-truths, and outright fallacies about black people. Making him a person-the same person you feel you love--to those who love you should help to diminish some of this. Also, examine your own motives for dating this boy. Is it because it's 'thrilling', 'different', and 'transgressive,' against your family's values, or are the feelings genuine. This is just as important.
On a last and separate note: you should never be made to choose between someone you love, and your family. If your family makes you do so, I personally think you should take a stand however you can--because the problem is with your family dynamics and structure, not your choice, sweetie. The happiness and well-being of the family member should always be above family credos and doctrines. -
Fuck your bitch ass mom. If you're happy with him, stay with him. If your mom cant leave you be when youre clearly happy. then shes not worth all the fuss. it is racist, and she should be more mature than to not be able to see past a skin color. She doesnt have to marry him or live with him for the rest of her life, so she needs to piss off. Hope i helped and i dont mean to offend anyone.
-
It might be about race, but it might also be about a 16 year old girl having sex. perhaps your mother is trying to prevent a teenage pregnancy? The only solution I see is for your mother to get to know him through supervised visits. You may think he is the one for you now, but time has a way of changing minds. I'm 43, and thought that I was in love as a teenager, several times. Thought each time was the real thing. I was wrong, married my wife at 27 and I was finally right. So don't decide he is your world until you've seen some of the world.
Hello Stranger!
It looks like you might be new here!
To anonymously ask for advice or take part in a discussion, click one of these buttons.
Advice
- All Discussions513
- General101
- Personal Life141
- Social Life34
- Love Life200
- Work Life16
- Finance3
- Recommendations15
- How-to3
- Advice Bit © 2011