stuck in a rut

Hi there,

I joined as I've been struggling with something for some time now and it's beginning to eat away at me too much. Keeping secrets can be tough when they're not your own.

Basically, my husband had a few too many to drink a couple of years ago in which alcohol serves as a truth syrum as to what's on his mind. Anyhoo, he confessed to his father molesting him as a early teen. (over 15 years ago) we have spoken about what he told me a few times in a sober state and basically it happened only once when his parents had tempararily split up. He told me he wants to forgive his dad and move on. His dad did privately apologise around the time that I found out. His mum doesnt know or anyone else for that matter. He's asked me to keep his secret.

This secret is tearing me apart and I don't know what to do.

At first I tried to swallow it and do as he asked, his choice right? But the more I think about it - it just seems so glaringly wrong that his dad should get away with what he did to my husband. The experience hung over him with guilt for years, I think letting me know (and only me) allowed him some releif but it caused him so much pain as a young adult. Besides his dad being a narcisistic controling game player (yes I have many issues with this man), I have this piece of knowledge in the back of my head whenever I'm near him and it's hard enough to play like I dont know but having to hug him goodbye is almost unbearable. My husband doesnt really like his dad, but loves his mum and doesnt want to hurt her with the truth. To me, not telling her is worse.

My biggest problem is overcoming issues of having a child with my husband as I in no circumstances will allow my child to be alone with him. I've explained this to my husband and told him that he'll need to explain it to his dad. Somehow achieving this under the radar of his mum. I've got the feeling that there will be problems from his dad when that day comes but I've no qualms over blackmailing this man to protect my child. Good ol "If you dont comply I'll make sure your wife does" which would probably mark the end of my marriage. Hoping it wont come to that.

So in summary, I am keeping a secret I dont want to keep for my husband but feel it's not my secret to share. has anyone else been in this predicament, any advice on how I can stop tearing my hair out without destroying my marriage?