The Pursuit of Happiness

Things that make me happy (But that’s too selfish….)…. To name a few.
(Not in valued order)
Thinking of how I will make a movie if I could.
My Boyfriend
Music
Dogs
Children of my own one day
Pregnancy
Dr. Pepper
Plants
Laughter
Smiles
Visual details of other people
Tests to find out who you are in multiple areas
Food
Reading
Writing
Computers
French Revolution/History
Small apartments
White sheets
Movies
Snow
Sun
Kisses/kissing
Love
Driving stick
Night driving
Driving in the rain
Driving with boyfriend
boyfriend driving
Birds
The wind
The sea
Surfing
Soccer
Photos
Ice
Eyes
Hair
Dirt bikes
The sky
Space
Night/Day
Air/breathing
Life.
It’s not about my happiness though that I’m searching for.
I know I should make others happy but how?
God’s got a plan for me but where is it?
I’ve prayed.
Pray harder?
What do I do?
Maps
My hands
Kenny’s hands
Anything associated with boyfriend that doesn’t go against any morals or laws (not saying that anything associated with him does)
My God
My Jesus
My Gift of Tongues
The Scriptures
Dresses
Being skinny
The desert
Sand
Dirt
Rocks
Knowledge that can save others
Facts
Helping others
Yeah yeah
I already know all of that, but this listed is all who I am. What do I do with it?
Where is there a place I can go for at least a half hour to find out where I want to go, be, see and do?
I’m only 18. Now what? God, I have so many questions for you when we meet again up there, where ever you are. The majors offered at the college here don’t suffice with what I think I will do. None appeal to me. I need a miracle.
I see others around me, moving forward but I don’t know what to do with myself. Push forward? How?
They have it together, it seems but I know it’s not true. I see masks and I still see the faces behind them. I let others put before me what they want to. I don’t judge, as much as I possibly can. I let people tell me who they are. What they present what they even tell me “in confidence.” But, this isn’t going to get me ahead in life. I just need to know what God has in store for me so that way I know which major to choose and if I’m going to be a house wife with a degree in something or a mom who sees her kids in the morning, not all day but when I get home from work or such its 6pm. Not what I want. Maybe I don’t even want a degree. If I told my parents that I didn’t want one they’d get pissed that I wasted their money on my first semester. I’m very good at opening up. I need someone to talk to. Someone who has lived a while and knows what I can choose and what I shouldn’t as well. Maybe I’ll visit a nursing home. But they don’t understand the world we live in today. What I mean is they didn’t grow up with the same back ground or electronics within their home, or even father and mother. I am exclusive, unique and undoubtedly rare. Now what do I do with this “rareness” ? I’m in love with a boy only a year older that my parents don’t approve of. Yet still we press on. Their excuse for not liking him? He’s not as much of a Christian as I am. Does that matter? He is a Christian and treats me as I ought to be as a woman of God and such. He hasn’t broken a promise. But what kind of promises can a 19 year old make at such a time in his life you may be wondering? A significant few are :To not hurt me, leave me or let me down. Those are almost impossible to do. He hasn’t failed once. He’s given me his heart and in exchange I gave mine. What is it that I’m missing that my parents see in him that won’t suffice? I’m digressing. I just want to know what to do with all of my inner, outer and present being. I shiver in the cold just like everyone else, but I’m looking for a heat source and how to improve it so that no one else has to shiver. But I lack the knowledge to do so. Is that why I am at a college? But wait I’m in a college, as I had mentioned before, whose majors offered don’t seem to suffice. The boy I mentioned before is moving half way across the country to live near me. He’s dropping all his family, friends and unimportant things, just to be near me. If I could do the same for him, like if it was possible for me to, I would. But I’m tied by my parents and a loan that would be wasted if I dropped out of college for him. That would be dumb. We decided he’d come to me, and I’d get a degree. But if I am planning on getting married to this man, having children, then what do I do with a degree? I’m not letting a day care take care of my children. I want to raise them. So here I sit. Cross roads. You probably get asked this a lot but, Any advice?