Best way to deal with family fued over the holiday

My husband and his brother haven't been on speaking terms in a few years. It makes holidays very awkward. My husband and I have reached out several times through the years in attempt to repair the relationship and receive no response. We were not invited to Thanksgiving dinner this year because it was held at his brothers’ house. My husband’s occupation requires him to work 12 hour days and Saturday's. We've missed a lot of family get together or had to show up late because the family seems to have no regard for their brother/son's work schedule. For years, we chalked it up to doing what's best for the rest of the group and didn't take it personally that the plans haven't been more inclusive to us. It'd take pages for me to explain what changed our perception, but the gist is that his brother sent me a nasty email stating that I put my family first, and even though my husband can't make it to some of the birthday parties, I should attend without him. He followed that up with an email to my husband that he's missing out on life because he's not carving out time for his family and not working on having kids of his own. He crossed the line in many ways. First of all, my husband’s brother is the kind of guy you can't have a serious conversation with to save your life. You could be dying of cancer and he'd avoid you at all cost because you might ruin his mood (actually make him feel something). So his emails were really off the wall because we don't have personal conversations with him about whether or not we're trying to have kids, or how much stress our marriage has been under at times because of my husband’s work schedule. He has off 12 full weekends a year and one week vacation. His brother also mentioned how we never go on the family beach trip, which I have to mention, we're never consulted on the dates, and it's always during the busiest time of the year for my husband’s work. They ALL know that! We've been married for almost 15 years, and have weathered many a storm, so his accusations and assumptions on our life infuriated us both. We are quite a bit wiser and experienced in life than him. He also lives 3 hours from our hometown, which is yet another reason why his assessment on our life was so unfounded. He has no idea what our daily lives are like and how hectic things get. You would think that someone in the family, like my father-in-law, would stand up to the bully younger brother and set him straight. Not so, instead, my father-in-law is proud as a peacock of his youngest son because he gave him his first grandson last year. They're a huge football family and so it's already a focus that this boy is going to go pro. They're all narcotic! I have always remained calm and avoided any spats. Even when I received the nasty email, I dug deep and told myself that this guy, my brother-in-law, is not a healthy minded individual and I need to try to find some sort of compassion for that aspect of him. It's gotten me through the forced get togethers we've been able to attend. I'm really struggling to find the compassion this year. I don't know how I'm going to smile and pretend. I don't have any desire to set them all straight, I just don't want to be around them. I feel Christmas is much more than gift giving, and quite honestly, I don't want to buy any of his family gifts. I don't know they anymore and it feels forced. How do I get through this? I wish there was a way that my husband I could graciously back out of the holiday plans and tell the group they can swing by our house at their convenience. Is that unreasonable?